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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Earlier 'source page'



Gold Mind  MeditationProject
  (Benefits for fellow head-injury survivors)   

Head-injury is an invisible disability, not easily seen from the outside like a wheelchair or crutches, however still a disability. This project exists to offer the possibility of transforming your disability into being healthy, present and awake to bright and abiding wellness, capability – in spite of your injury.  I speak from my personal experience.  You can cultivate your mind's inherent strengths. You can learn a self-generating long-term practice that will enhance your life, with satisfaction and way more smiles.  Really! 

Let me share my experience.  Returning to college thirty years ago, I was involved in a serious car wreck. I was in a coma and Jaws-of-Life were required to free me. When I came to I had amnesia, diplopia (double-vision), and TBI (traumatic brain injury). I was not who I used to be.  My life was forever changed.  Since that time I have lived with the challenges of TBI.  I know the devastation of this condition from the inside, and wish to share what I've found to be a powerful healing benefit for me, and possibly for you.

This malady is often misdiagnosed and thus poorly treated. I struggled to complete my degree at the University and to get on with my life, very unsure of what I could be or do. Within a few years I experienced the frustrating failure of the loss of several jobs before learning that this was the result of my TBI. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

In top-of-the line and expensive rehabilitation programs I was taught 'compensatory coping strategies' for the 'cognitive deficits' of my brain injury. These strategies are well-intended rehab but fell short of addressing my inner well being.  They didn't work for me; I had to learn the necessary inner transformation for myself.  This is cleansing the mind and knowing it's gold.  

I discovered Insight Meditation (Vipassana). This simple practice of sitting mindfully helps me be clear-eyed and capable of sustained attention, knowing that as obstacles arise I have the capacity to face them directly from a steady place of clear seeing.  This practice is based on the intent to relieve suffering and dissatisfaction, to cleanse the mind of illusions, and ground us in a sense of dignified inner wellness and capability, at peace beyond the physical damage.

With practice you can become aware of the present moment and learn exactly what is most needed for you. Healing is available.  It's been well documented by neurologists, psychologists, and doctors: mindfulness practice leads to positive brain healing (neuroplasticity). I am choosing to live my life intentionally and more skillfully.  You can too.  This is the start of a new path!

GOLD MIND MEDITATION PROJECT  http://hadwalmer-goldmind.blogspot.com/
Had C. Walmer hwalmer@gmail.com             

Monday, November 29, 2010

Like a Merchant Buying Gold


The Buddha emphasized the importance of this path of reasoning, this intelligent examination of what is being taught. He told his students that their level of faith in his teachings and in him should be a product of their own critical analysis of his words. He said that if they analyzed and found his teachings beneficial, they should practice them, and if not, they should leave them aside. In this way, people who listened to his teachings should be like a merchant buying gold: Gold merchants do not merely accept the seller’s praise of his goods; rather, they use a variety of methods to examine the quality of the merchandise before they make their purchase decision. Similarly, the Buddha said, Do not accept my teachings out of faith in me, but rather out of your own confidence in my words—confidence that you have reached as a result of your own intelligent analysis.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Some specifics on Brain Injury

Meeting - Nov. 20, 2010 - Brainstormers II

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmAML1-F2LE&feature=related

http://www.brainline.org/content/2009/12/the-role-of-mindfulness-meditation-and-prayer-after-brain-injury.html

It's a wonder we can walk and talk at all; it's a miracle we are here now!  Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Edited Page for Voc. Rehab tomorrow, 11/03/2010


  Gold Mind MeditationProject
 (Benefits for fellow head injury survivors)



Head-injury is an invisible disability, not easily seen like wheelchair or crutches, however
Still a disability.  There can be an array of physical, cognitive and emotional effects.  This project exists to offer the possibility of transforming disability into being healthy, present and awake to a bright and abiding wellness – in spite of your injury.  You can learn and establish a self-generating long-term practice, cultivating your mind's inherent strengths, with way more smiles and satisfaction.  Really! 

Let me share my experience.  Returning to college thirty years ago, I was involved in a serious car
wreck. I was in a coma and Jaws-of-Life were required to free me. When I came to I had amnesia, diplopia (double-vision), and TBI (traumatic brain injury). I was not who I used to be.  My life was forever changed.  Since that time I have lived with the challenges of TBI.  I know the devastation of this condition from the inside, and wish to share what I have found to be a powerful healing benefit for me, and possibly for you.

Maladies such as this are often misdiagnosed and thus poorly treated. I struggled to complete my degree at the University and to get on with my life, very unsure of what I could be or do. Within a few years I experienced the frustrating failure of the loss of several jobs before learning that this was the result of my TBI. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

In top-of-the line rehab programs I was taught 'compensatory coping strategies' for the 'cognitive deficits' of my brain injury. These strategies are well-intended rehabilitation but fell short of addressing my inner well-being.  I had to learn that inner transformation for myself.  

I discovered Insight Meditation. This simple practice of sitting mindfully helps me be clear-eyed and capable of sustained attention, knowing that as obstacles arise I will have the capacity to face them directly from a steady place of clear seeing.  The practice is based on intent to relieve suffering and dissatisfaction, to clear the mind of illusions, and ground us in a sense of dignified inner well being and capability, at peace beyond the physical damage.

With practice you can be present and learn exactly what is most needed for you. It's been well documented by neurologists, psychologists, and doctors: mindfulness practice leads to positive brain healing (neuroplasticity). I have chosen to live my life intentionally and more skillfully.  You can too.  This is the start of a new path!

GOLD MIND MEDITATION PROJECT  http://hadwalmer-goldmind.blogspot.com/
Had C. Walmer hwalmer@gmail.com             
             

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Updated Page: Gold Mind Meditation Project



  Gold Mind Meditation Project
   (benefits for fellow head injury survivors)


Head injury is an invisible disability, not easily seen from the outside like a wheelchair or crutches, however still a dis-ability. This project exists to offer the possibility of being healthy, present and awake to bright and abiding aliveness.  You can learn and establish a self-generating long-term practice. Here you may attain the possibility of living a life you truly love, cultivating your mind's inherent strengths, with more smiles. Really! 

Let me share my experience.  Returning to college thirty years ago, I was involved in a serious car
wreck. I was in a coma and 'Jaws-of-Life' were required to free me. When I came to I had amnesia, diplopia (double-vision) and TBI (traumatic brain injury). I was not who I used to be.

My life was forever changed.  Since that time I have lived with the challenges of TBI.  I know the devastation of this condition from the inside, and wish to share what I have found to be a powerful healing benefit for me, and possibly for you.

Maladies like this are often misdiagnosed and thus poorly treated. I struggled to complete my degree at the University and to get on with my life, very unsure of what I could be or do. Within a few years I experienced the frustrating failure of the loss of several jobs before learning that this  was the result of my TBI. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

In top-of-the line rehab programs I was taught 'compensatory coping strategies' for the 'cognitive deficits' of brain injury. These strategies are well-intentioned rehabilitation attempts but fell short of addressing my inner well-being.  I had to learn that inner transformation on my own.  

I discovered Insight Meditation. This simple practice, of sitting mindfully helps me be clear-eyed, knowing that as obstacles arise I will have the capacity to face them directly from a steady place of clear seeing.  It is based on an intent to relieve suffering and dissatisfaction, to clear the mind of illusions and ground us in a sense of  dignified inner well-being, at peace beyond the reach of physical damages.

With practice you can learn exactly what is most needed for you. It's been well documented by neurologists, psychologists, and doctors:  mindfulness practice leads to positive brain healing (neuroplasticity). I have chosen to live my life intentionally and more skillfully, you can too!  This is the start of a new path.

GOLD MIND MEDITATION PROJECT  http://hadwalmer-goldmind.blogspot.com/
Had C. Walmer hwalmer@gmail.com             

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Gold Mind Meditation Project


Mindfulness Meditation
(benefits for fellow head injury survivors)


Head injury is an invisible disability, not easily seen from the outside like a wheelchair or crutches, however still a disability. Here, in this practice is the possibility of happiness - present and awake in natural clarity.  This is a path to a bright and abiding aliveness.

By using an effective personal support system: guided meditations , relevant readings, and weekly meditation groups, you can learn and establish a self-generating long-term practice.You may attain the possibility of living a life you truly love, cultivating your mind's inherent strengths, with more smiles. Really! 

Let me share my experience.  Returning to college thirty years ago, I was involved in a serious car accident. I was in a coma and 'Jaws-of-Life' were required to free me from the wreck. When I came to from the coma I had amnesia, diplopia (double-vision) and TBI. I was not who I used to be.  Fortunately, much of the damage in my body cleared up through medical aid, although much did not. My life was forever changed.  Since that time I have lived with the challenges of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).  I know the devastation of these changes from the inside, and wish to share what I have found to be a powerful healing benefit for me, and possibly for you. Jump in, the water's fine!

Maladies like this are often misdiagnosed and thus poorly treated. My capabilities were no longer steady and dependable. I struggled to complete my degree at the University and to get on with my life, very unsure of what I could be or do. Within a few years I experienced the frustrating failure of the loss of several jobs before learning that this puzzling effect was the result of 'TBI'. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

In top-of-the line rehab programs I was taught 'compensatory coping strategies' for the 'cognitive deficits' of brain injury. These strategies are well-intentioned rehabilitation attempts but fall short of addressing my inner well-being.  I had to learn this path on my own.  I discovered Insight Meditation and have been practicing it for 22 years. This simple practice, of sitting mindfully helps me to be clear-eyed, knowing that as obstacles arise I will have the capacity to face them directly from the steady place of natural clear seeing.

Although mindfulness meditation is often taught and practiced in the context of Buddhism, its essence is universal.  It's based on an intent to relieve suffering and dissatisfaction, to clear the mind of delusions and ground us in a sense of  dignified inner well-being, a peace beyond the reach of  physical damages, unmatched in my 30 years post-trauma. There is a growing benefit here that keeps me continuing. 

Though each of our situations is unique, with practice you can learn exactly what is most needed.   It's been well documented by neurologists, psychologists, and doctors:  mindfulness practice leads to positive brain healing (neuroplasticity). I have chosen to live my life more skillfully and intentionally,  you can too!  This is the start of a new path.

GOLD MIND MEDITATION PROJECT  http://hadwalmer-goldmind.blogspot.com/
Had C. Walmer hwalmer@gmail.com

Friday, October 22, 2010

Present work on this project

I have now posted two entries to this GMMP blog:

1)  "Gold Mind Meditation Project" - an overview of my experience and plans for fulfilling this project, teaching mindfulness meditation practice to people who are interested in six weekly sessions, such that they can see what it is and then choose whether or not to continue and establish a practice, knowing directly in their own experience the benefits of practice

2)  "Background for current project"  My dad's journal, transcribed from his handwritten notes as background information for this project which is only now occurring for me in such a way that I can take the necessary actions to make it happen. It's in formulation now, please follow this blog site if you care to keep track (I may be driving, but its got a life of its own).


Am participating in two established meditation groups here in Portland (How fortunate are we/I!?)  
1)  http://www.pdxdhamma.org  offering classes introducing folks to Mindfulness Meditation and Buddhist Psychology
2)  http://www.portlandinsight.org/  in order to compose the teachings for introduction and teaching this practice/project.

Changing the Face of disability

Tonight at our glorious Portland City Hall, I joined the gathering of cultural creatives (fabulous photography!) and non profits.
http://www.creativecares.org/

I was pulled in by the title of this Event "Changing the Face of Disability",
Disability - which is defined by how exactly each of us becomes present with
and holds that which is 'disabled'. We have the ABILITY that we have, and that's always changing. (supported by Gold Minds!, our natural inner perfection)

Expression and presentation are important! This group, CreativeCares is giving the beauty of photographic realism to non-profits, too involved in their missions. "[Non Profits] + [Creatives] = [Greater Good]. Yay!

Speakers were Commissioner Dan Saltzman
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Saltzman
and John Coghlan of www.disabilityaction.org

I planted seeds with umpteen conversations of Gold Mind Meditation Project and handed out several copies of 'My Page', Blog or Note entry No. One. Gold Mind is growing on its own, it is wanted and needed.

Thank you Tiffany Joy for inviting me and all great gratitude to your husband for formulating and intiating, fulfilling CreativeCares from your photographic experiences in Africa.

Gold Mind Meditation Project

Please, this is a network of committed conversations.  If you read this blog or any postings please take a moment and add some words, Follow then
"Post a comment".

I know I'm 'driving' this project that has risen in my meditations, yet I'm also committed to it being a community voice - and its purpose is well-being, really knowing the healthy community we are. Please say . . .
(anything)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Background for current project

Here is my transcription of my dad's journal. He wrote this in the time period of my accident and shows his deep love and commitment for me.  I love my father more as my wisdom grows with age.


This is a transcript of a journal by my father Harold C. Walmer D.O.,
written upon notice of my automobile accident Dec. 31,
1977 .  I am enclosing this to remind you, and inform anyone else
who may need to know, of the severity of my injuries from  this car accident
[ Had Walmer, 02/18/99, Lake Oswego, OR (hwalmer@gmail.com)]


"Notes to our much loved son Had - a time of agony, love, sense of loss, and hope, encouragement and realization that you have been given life because of your unfulfilled destiny.
The year is almost over.  Dixons with us, here in PA to celebrate New Years Eve.  Deloches to arrive shortly -- telephone rings.

Social Worker calling from UC Davis, Sacramento Medical Center.

You and Teresa have been involved in a serious auto accident on I-5 near Woodland on your way back to Oregon.  Initial reports indicate you have crushed left eye, skull fracture
Probable need for brain surgery.  All other information muddled.  We call Sacramento neurosurgeons but they are too busy with you to respond.

I make immediate plans to fly to Sacramento.  First plane out
From Harrisburg, PA 6:38 PM.  Uncle Marlin drives me.  Too choked with fear for you my son whose life has hardly started to talk on way to airport.  Supported by Marlin and Merv.

Flight to St. Louis - 2  hour layover, called home - Mom talked further with Dr. Mims, Neurosurgeon - you are still alive. 

Rental car at S.F. and numbly drove to Sacramento Medical Center, 3AM I arrive at neurosurgery intensive care unit.  You are in the bed just inside door on your back; naso-gastric tube in nose, constant EKG monitors attached to chest wall, bladder catheter, numerous stitches, contusions around head, shoulders and arms, left eye lid swollen and ecolymiotic with sutures in upper lid - you are restrained with restraint belt. I check your pupils - dilated and fixed - grave sign, no response. No response to light. I talk to you, no response. No response to pain stimuli.

Dr. Mims comes in and shows me pictures of CAT scan of brain, evidence of swelling and severe contusion and pressure of frontal and temporal lobes - basal skull fracture.   

Got permission from Dr.  Mims to use acupuncture needles at key points G.V. 26 and G.V. 24.  You move involuntarily to this stimulus.  Otherwise condition static and critical

I.V. running - no decision on surgery at this point - BP pulse and respiration. normal.  Exhausted, physically and emotionally, no idea as to outcome - stumble into first motel 5 a.m. only to find room has no telephone.  Get two hours of restless sleep - back to hospital, no change in your condition.

Now Jan. 1, 1978
Spend most of day in and out of ICU, sitting by your bed holding your hand, which you squeeze tightly, almost breaking my fingers with your carpenter strength.  

No other signs.  Your body at times jerks uncontrollably and you thrash about needing restraints of hands and feet. 

Jan 2
No real change in your condition, I'm trying to get temporary hospital privileges so that I may stimulate your brain with acupuncture.  

Dr. Tate, Chief resident thinks your injuries may be worse that he thought, so orders another brain scan.  No change noted.  Called Dr. King Liu, neuro-physiologist at Tulane Medical School.  He too wants me to use acupuncture- Dr. Rasford, a noted ophthalmologist from Atlanta calls, he wants me to give you massive doses of vitamin B, E, and C.

Jan 3
Still no responding, sit in the waiting area and by your bed watching for a sign that you will respond.  Pupils still fixed.  

I put a call in for Connie Newton, Chicago, to do a psychic - diagnosis on you.  Your girlfriend Teresa with me much of the time, she has lost a front tooth, lacerated chin - neck brace - fracture body of cervical vertebra - watchful waiting and hoping for you my son.
Have a meeting at home of 'Friends Of the River' home with insurance adjuster and an atty. Charles Bloodgood whom Brad Walton, who knew you, recommended for you and Teresa. No apparent problem w/ liability,  the drivers of both cars are at fault. You were innocently injured while reading a book when the crash occurred.  You flew forward into the dash - hitting your head, your glasses apparently lacerated both eyes, at 62 mph.  You are so lucky to be alive.

James Stewart calls to tell me of his relationship with you, had a vision last night that you were out of your body and hadn't decided if you would go back to your broken body.  He urged you to do so because so many people love you. I understand that thousands of people are praying for you recovery.

Jan.4   Mother came last night, I waited for her anxiously at Sacramento Airport with no especially good news yet, you still haven't responded.  

We went immediately to the ICU; you respond partially for the first time.  I think you said "Hi Mom"  --  "Hi Dad".    Not much, because you can hardly be aroused, but at least a sign that you might respond.  Father Donnelly, hospital priest in ICU, mother, and I pray for you.  


Jan.5 - Jan13  Times blur together in my mind, but each day a new small sign of recovery.  Up in the chair with assistance, even though you are semi comatose.  

You seem to respond reflexively to food and have a ravenous appetite. You respond to questions, "How is the food?" "Great!""Horrible!",  etc. 

Even though your care is excellent, I am concerned that the cellular nutrition to your brain be maximal.  I called Dr. Klennon, Riedsvile, N.C., considered to be the most knowledgeable physician in the country on vitamin C therapy.  He wants you on I.V. of 700 mg. Per kilo of body weight, appx. 40 gms per day plus B complex - A glutamate and zinc.  

Since the hosp. won't do it I had Ruth send me many of the nutrients from my office.  We are now supporting your diet and the nurses are permitting mother and me to feed you.  I slip 6-7 pills per day into your mashed potatoes, buns, etc. and you chew them down with no comment. 

Your cognition is still largely a blur, and your memory totally gone.  Only occasionally do you know Jan and Eric, and with no sense of feeling.  Your affect is still so diminished.   Occasionally I hug you and rub my whiskers across your face, you say, "that’s great".
We want so much to bring you back to reality, knowing that it may take months or years to accomplish this, but you are alive and responding a little each day. 

The days feel lighter now,  someday you will recover.  Psychic Connie Newton said you will recover.  She says your 'destiny in life is unfulfilled', you will be making important contributions, that will beneficially affect many people in 12 years and 32 years from now.  

She says you may change your life objectives.
   
A new male nurse tonight - Richard, tall with a black beard and moustache, very sympathetic and helpful.  He looks like Jesus.  With his help, we walk you to the bathroom for the first time.  You are successful both ways and subconsciously marvel at the results, no mess in bed this time.  

After supper, Richard and I support you for your first walk - approx. 20 steps.  You are dragging your left leg and perspiring profusely.  When you get to bed you drop immediately into a deep sleep.
Recollections of next day, Richard still your nurse.  We walk you 40 steps today and we encourage you to write, you scratch illegibly "HAD WALMER" with coaxing and "TERESA MAPE" -  no more this time, too exhausted - not interested in writing today. 

Next you are writing,
"WELCOME TO THE U. OF D."
---------------------------
then, "WELCOME TO THE UNIV. OF DELAWARE"
----------------------------
----------------------------!!!!!!!!!!!
Each day a little improvement.  Several days ago you said, "I plan to fight this.  Its like being a freshman again."
Several times during the past few weeks early in the morning, at our motel, Merv Dixon called.  He offered to come out to Sacramento to help bring you home when we move you.  

Dot Forney also calls us, to give us the benefit of her experiences with Sandy, her daughter, who had a serious brain injury approx. 15 years ago, falling off her horse and needed a brain surgery.  People who go through this traumatic experience have a much more helpful way of relating to a family with this tragedy.   

There is another couple we got to know very well whose daughter Betty was in intensive care with you.  She has had two brain clots removed, a tracheotomy and has been recovering very slowly, we try to give them all the support we can.  

Their daughter was also in an auto accident.  Her response is agonizingly slow.  Her father Bill at times sobs uncontrollably.  What can I say?  Nothing; Just put my arms around him and hold him tightly.  

They are from Yuba City.  As you progress in intermediate care and we walk you, with assistance down the hall, I tell you I would like you to meet Betty's parents.  I must explain to you who Betty is, the girl next to you in NS/ICU.  

You respond unexplainably - "Hello Bill" "How are you?" to Betty's father.
I don't recall telling you his name was Bill.

You are having a great deal of trouble with sight, most things just a blur to you.  This is 14 days since the accident.  I give you my blue bifocal glasses. You tell Bill he looks good.  He is encouraged, with the progress you are making; hoping eventually for the same from Betty.
Annette Nation called mom on the phone in your room, you say, "who is that?"  It’s the first telephone call to your room.  You take the phone and talk.  It must jog certain thought patterns.
She says, "You sound wonderful."  You respond, completely normally, "You sound wonderful too."
Almost at all time you have total amnesia for any recent conversation.  Sometimes you know me sometimes you think I am Paw Paw.

You like when I put my arms around you to hug and rub whiskery faces together.  You say that's great, and hold your lips for kisses.  How close we've become.  I know that subconsciously you feel my presence, tomorrow I must leave after 15 days, to work a week in the office while you recover further.  

Mother will be with you this week, but I feel such a sense of emptiness, not being with you each step of your progress, but I am confident now that with time most of you will return to normal.

Teresa and James come in this last evening, you have a hazy memory of them, but not of recent events.  You still don't comprehend you were in an auto accident, or that you are in the Sacramento Medical Center.  

I try to tell you I must go away for a week, but would come back to take you to E-town.  You say, "that's what I want" and then to Teresa, "there goes half my life."  I feel the same way.

Several days ago I asked you if you still planned to be an architect. "I certainly do."
Went to Radio Shack several days ago to get you a radio to help jog your memory into reality.  You liked to move the dials and rapidly change stations.  You obviously do this by feel  - not sight.  

While sitting by bed, you sense roommate Joshua, I tell you his name, you, "Hi Joshua", and give him a big smile. One of the first signs of emotion.

Fri. Jan.13th  Teresa and I want to go back to your room to see you one more time, knowing you will be asleep.  It’s the last time I will see you for a week.  I kiss you and whisper "goodnight" and leave with a heavy heart; the same feeling I always have when you leave home and go back to school in Oregon.

Several days ago I received a special delivery folder from Uncle Marlin.  He has, with his engineering and pilot's background, investigated all of the information which will make for the safest trip home for you even to the extent of sending me a study of all the accidents that have occurred on commercial flights, the result of air turbulence.  

Wheelchairs,  pre-discussion of your condition with the pilot so that he can modify altitude and course, slightly to avoid turbulence.
There are so many people concerned for your welfare.

Jan. 14  On flight home, told there will be a one to two hour hold over in Chicago, because of weather.  I wanted to call you from O'hare. Maybe this won't be possible.  I'll have to discuss the choices of avoiding a holding pattern next week, when we bring you home.
On ground at O'Hare after 3 hour holding pattern over the airport.  When landing finally occurs, I find my flight east to Harrisburg has been canceled.  It is four more additional hours until a new plane is scheduled, also the walk from United terminal to T.W.A. or Allegheny is a very great distance.  

This type of travel home for you will be impossible.  We will have to schedule a non-stop flight somehow.  It will have to originate at San Francisco and go into Phila. - Balt. or Wash.  

I will make the best arrangements, to make your flight home as easy as possible.  You certainly won't be able to stand a 14 hour trip, like I had to take.  I will arrange a trip for 6-7 hours.

Jan. 17 When I do talk to you I can sense your repeated and continual progression.
When possible I try to get Eric on the phone with you.  Through this whole ordeal he has been terrific; he has stayed with Cerullis, Marlin, Cooks in Lancaster and with me alternately. He has never complained and has adjusted fantastically. He is to be a source of strength for all of us. The eye chart he has made to help you when you come home was entirely his own idea.
Expressions of love and concern for you are being expressed to me constantly in the office.  I am certain that the people praying for you number in the thousands across the country.  

Yesterday in the office a Carol Jackson, who doesn't know you, but is the second mixed marriage (color) in E-town put her arms around me told me of her prayers for you.  She is a close friend of Peeps and Rick Morton. She said she knows that you are like your dad and that she feels instinctively close to you.

All of the coaches in the E-town College athletic department sent me a card expressing their thoughts for you.  Snavely called to offer any help possible, when you come home.  Marion, a friend of  Joanne Walmer and a teacher in Philly has a group praying for your recovery.  

For the past two weeks there has been an article on the front page of the Elizabethtown Chronicle on your progress.  Ralph Clouser tells me he is besieged with inquiry on your progress from E-town H.S. students.

Jan.19     I've tried desperately to get a call to mom at the Motel since 9PM, its 2AM when I finally get through.

She has spent more time than usual with you this day and you fall out of bed, even with restraints. Your comment, "someone is not taking very good care of me."  I feel desperately that I must get back with you. 

Tomorrow, Friday I am scheduled to fly back to Sacramento.  We've had two severe storms already this week.  Another is reported on the way. I pray this will not block my trip West. I tell you on the phone I will see you Friday,

February 20   Arrangement made to have Charles Burris plow our driveway,  as the snow has already begun falling.  It snows more than 30 hours straight, the biggest storm in 20 years. Early AM flight canceled, now to go at 4:05 PM.  

I keep digging out driveway as Borough plow blocks entrances, even if it goes by.  Marlin takes me to Harrisburg Airport.  We hardly make it with snow and wind, the flight is canceled and rescheduled, and finally canceled  permanently by PM.  No chance to leave now until 4:30 PM

Jan.21  Terribly disappointed and depressed at not being able to fly out, but Eric stays the night and keeps spirits lighter.
 
Called Jan and asked her if she has any messages for you.  She said, "Just tell him I'm thinking of him."  She called back 10 minutes later and said, "Tell Had I love him and am laying in bed thinking of him all the time."  Sometimes it is hard Had, to express family love, but it is there whether spoken on not.

Jan 21 6PM I'm finally en route to see you.  Tonight I will get to your room by 10 to 11 PM, hopefully.  

At any rate I will see you, hug you, and kiss you tonight.  Just as I did when you were a little boy.  As I look out of the window of this 707 the moon is almost full.  How much effect do that moon and the planets have on one life and our destiny?

(end of  HCW  D.O. journal)